I do wonder though what it would be like to kiss someone, because I really don’t remember what it feels like; it has been sooo long.
But then just as I get halfway into the daydream of kissing someone I might care about, the fear grips me, and I remember the disasters I have dated. I also remember the Bonkers Girl whom I turn into when I fall out of balance and start consuming male attention like a bulimic on an Oreo binge.
It would be safer, wouldn’t it, if I became the Tin (Wo)Man, and sealed my heart away from relationships and those potential disasters. Cheaper too- think of all that money I am saving from bikini waxes, pedicures, child care, and lingerie. And I get a lot more work done at the office not distracted texting someone and making romantic date plans.
“We are all born for love…It is the principle of existence, and its only end.”
— Benjamin Disraeli
Then, just as I become content with my nun’s life, I get confronted with quotes like THIS, sent to me from Rachel Rubin’s Happiness Project daily emails (April 24, 2011).
Of course my mind goes to romantic love as the be-all, end-all “principle of existence”. If I don’t have it… Goodness, I must be missing something as crucial as my teeth. When I read those quotes, I feel like the bridesmaid, the odd woman out on Valentines Day, the one who is looking in on life from a 1-way mirror. Am I really missing out on the “principle of existence”, life’s “only end”?! Well, if this is true, that sucks bigtime.
To get out of this sucky conundrum, I decide to think the love we are “born for” can be defined more liberally than the kissing in the rain/sex on the beach/hand holding on our way to dinner/doing life together romantic love. I am also born to love my children, my friends, my neighbors, my girlfriends, my Earth, my life, my dog, and my God. Surely those are all worthy recipients of my love.
For now anyway… until my heart is ready to leave its tin casing.