Thinking of Thinking of Dating

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I am thinking of dating again. Or maybe I am thinking of thinking of dating. If you read my blog entries, you know I go back and forth quite a bit, considering letting a man into my heart, of sharing space in my and my children’s life with a potential partner. Then I flip back and decide to wait longer before dipping my toe in the water of relationships (I don’t have men clamoring at my door, so it really is not that hard to wait).

I do wonder though what it would be like to kiss someone, because I really don’t remember what it feels like; it has been sooo long.

But then just as I get halfway into the daydream of kissing someone I might care about, the fear grips me, and I remember the disasters I have dated. I also remember the Bonkers Girl whom I turn into when I fall out of balance and start consuming male attention like a bulimic on an Oreo binge.

It would be safer, wouldn’t it, if I became the Tin (Wo)Man, and sealed my heart away from relationships and those potential disasters. Cheaper too- think of all that money I am saving from bikini waxes, pedicures, child care, and lingerie. And I get a lot more work done at the office not distracted texting someone and making romantic date plans.

“We are all born for love…It is the principle of existence, and its only end.”
— Benjamin Disraeli

Then, just as I become content with my nun’s life, I get confronted with quotes like THIS, sent to me from Rachel Rubin’s Happiness Project daily emails (April 24, 2011).

Of course my mind goes to romantic love as the be-all, end-all “principle of existence”. If I don’t have it… Goodness, I must be missing something as crucial as my teeth. When I read those quotes, I feel like the bridesmaid, the odd woman out on Valentines Day, the one who is looking in on life from a 1-way mirror. Am I really missing out on the “principle of existence”, life’s “only end”?! Well, if this is true, that sucks bigtime.

To get out of this sucky conundrum, I decide to think the love we are “born for” can be defined more liberally than the kissing in the rain/sex on the beach/hand holding on our way to dinner/doing life together romantic love. I am also born to love my children, my friends, my neighbors, my girlfriends, my Earth, my life, my dog, and my God. Surely those are all worthy recipients of my love.

For now anyway… until my heart is ready to leave its tin casing.

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About anne

I am a single mother of 2 really great kids. I am a professional as well, and hope to tell you some funny, authentic, and encouraging stories on my blog to help encourage and empower other single or just crazily busy parents. But I need to warn you that this blog is where I work out (for myself) some crazy ideas from their bitter, salty, pretzeled-up shapes into hopefully some better-tasting pastries. Any busy parent can probably relate to them though... crazy times call for crazy friends sharing crazy stories so we can laugh rather than cry about the funny way things turn out!

17 responses »

  1. So I think that you’re right, deciding to love/trust is a HUGE risk, can really really be scary, but…

    “We love because it’s the only true adventure.” – Nikki Giovanni

    Paul again: ‘If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.’

    “Attention is the most basic form of love; through it we bless and are blessed.” – John Tarrant

    “Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it…It really is worth fighting for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk everything, you risk even more.” – Erica Jong

    “Love is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day.” – Nicholas Sparks

    “To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven.” – Karen Sunde

    “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” -C. S. Lewis

    “Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person’s ultimate good as far as it can be obtained”- C. S. Lewis

    “There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief…and unspeakable love.”- Washington Irving

    It’s worth risking, and somehow the risk becomes slightly less when you enter into it with the idea of bestowing love on, rather than recieving love from… do you get what I mean?

    I’m sorry because I wish there was some way that was safe and painless…

    xx

    • “It’s worth risking, and somehow the risk becomes slightly less when you enter into it with the idea of bestowing love on, rather than recieving love from… do you get what I mean?”

      I don’t like risking again that my heart could be wrung out to dry and shattered to hell. But I LIKE that idea of focusing on bestowing rather than receiving, Catie Eliza… Thank you! That is excellent… : )

  2. I’m with Sara…”another great one!” Always be honest with yourself and know what you want in a relationship. The perfect companion is out there.:)

    • The funny thing is, Mark, that I keep getting older, and know much more about what I want in a new love. But I get worse at the actual relationship part. Fear seems to increase as we get older… I should write a blog about chickenshits in their 40’s : )

  3. The older we are the more we know what we want, and the more difficult it is to get. The more we get stucked in our ways and building relationship is more difficult, I think.
    But I still think it’s not worth rushing anything. It’s better to take your time, when your heart is ready, you will know. And hopefully it will be a beautiful relationship then.

  4. I hope you don’t mind me sticking my big nose in. I somehow got here via Surrey Gal I think.

    A guy’s view: You should consider dating. (But not me. I’m not single. At least, I don’t think so. Yet. Don’t worry, I tend to ramble.)

    But dating doesn’t mean handing out your heart to anyone, at least not for some time. If he (a new date) wants to leap in head-first, you have kids to think about and that may not work. In the decent sense of it, he will eventually be dating your kids too: If you fall for someone and he wants to be part of your family, the kids have to buy in or it won’t work.

    Falling for someone is taking a risk, but when it works, it’s the best, it’s dreamy. You might have to kiss a few frogs along the way though. Sorry about that.

    • Thanks SD,
      Yes, frogs are part of the deal, as is kids buy-in and dating before jumping in with my heart. It is all an awkward dance with the additional juggle of kids and their needs. We have to be very persistent at our tasks. : ) luckily I have all of you to join me on the journey! Thanks for subscribing!!

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