Monthly Archives: July 2011

Post-Party Rush


The party was really fun yesterday. “Cute Guy” was not there, but other cute and fun people were, and I really enjoyed laughing with friends. I was probably the oldest one there, and had jello shots and “shotskis” (shots in a line with others because the shot glasses were epoxied onto a downhill ski- for togetherness, I guess). Not many people were couples, so it was really easy to just enjoy everyone’s company. (I did NOT get smashed, SG. I just had a very good time. All good!)

There was one couple there, and it was inspiring… the guy was such an obvious immature jerk to her and the world in general that it kicked in my gratitude at not having that element in my home any more.

Every now and then, I get this contented feeling that all is well, I am on God’s path for me, and will meet just the right man at just the right time to really love and enjoy each other. It is a very trusting feeling that results in me feeling no impulse whatsoever to go on, or, or whatever the latest dating site is. It just is not necessary if I am living my life happily and being exactly who I want to be. The man will show up.

I get so trusting in this feeling that I go a step further and realize with a slap upside the head “Oh my, I have a lot of things to enjoy doing in this time alone. I need to keep on 1) being completely spontaneous with my social plans, vacations with kids, and my finances, reporting in to no one, 2) eating peanut butter toast for dinner with watermelon because I hate cooking, 3) leaving stuff all over my bathroom floor for days, 4) spontaneously talk with my teenager until wee hours of the night about their life, their worries, their stuff…” You know all those things we get to do as people outside of relationships. Because someday those spontaneous moments won’t be so spontaneous or so common in my life.

That makes turning my heart and my yearning for companionship over to God and enjoying the moments today much much easier.


Outreach Experiment Results Are In!


I wrote something back in June about reaching out to my friends, making time for them, and deciding to try once a day reaching out. I was feeling dumpster-ish.

It has truly been the best thing I have done all summer- and I have done lots of amazing things this summer (blew off a stupid depressed guy I had a crush on, ran a race along a mountain top, journeyed to the top of the highest building in North America with my children, hugged my mom, reconnected with my sister, etc.).

That simple act of forcing myself to reach out instead of looking inward (and often caving in on myself and my fears) has taught me to actually open my heart to loving, really loving, connecting, sharing, and enjoying whatever they have to offer. I have found so much joy and contentedness right here where I am, with my sweet, fun, and funny girlfriends, my old Grandpa-guy friend, a sweet Grandma colleague (who I think has now made it her mission to hug me weekly), and also, yes, new surprising attention from men (that I can usually take or leave because my sense of self no longer depends on that attention to get out of bed in the morning).

I am in the enjoying/joyful phase of all this, feeling like my reaching out of my shell has enabled me to give love, support and encouragement to others like never before. And- I am getting ALL THAT LOVE back! And more! It has become a lovefest! It has improved all of my relationships, my mothering too- I am able to calmly give my kids so much more now that I don’t feel like love is in short supply.

Today, I am going to a party. Attractive men will be there… One man with whom I have felt waves of interest going back and forth… It could be the test of all of my training… Will I be able to stay in that content, self-confident, giving and receiving place? Or will I get shy and cave inward in fear?

I choose to think optimistically. I am going to give support, love and encouragement to others without worry about what is returned. My focus will be laughter and giving (and as Surrey Gal would say “Try not to get smashed”).

“Name, Name, What is in a Name?”


“Name, Name, What is in a Name?” I think Romeo said that to Juliet. It turns out my name in my blog address was bumming me out. I didn’t want bosses, neighbors, or family members to stumble on my blog on the internet (Secretly you know it is because I was afraid I would fall in love with a hot guy whom would be on the verge of asking me to go to Tahiti with him for 2 weeks on his private jet because he cannot imagine life without me. But as we are leaving for the airport, he would google my name, see what a case I can be, and drop me for the cashier at the grocery store who appears so together in her appearance).

In an attempt to become anonymous, and hopefully even more honest about my thoughts, I have decided to change my blog address. My new one is I hope you were able to come along and find me, I have enjoyed your comments and glad you took the time to read my blather.

I have been on vacation, from work, writing, kids, and of course cooking, for the last 2 weeks. I will be back soon with a blog entry to get us back together again. Stay tuned!