Monthly Archives: October 2011

My Favorite Way to Feel Better

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I wrote last week aobut my favorite things to feel better. I forgot this very important one…

I had an awesome blessing this morning. It really got me out of a potential funk about this weekend’s lack of romantic social plans: I was asked to do someone a favor- it was something that was really needed, and they couldn’t do it themselves. They were very brave to call and ask for it. A man I hardly know, who is recently divorced (he doesn’t know anything about me, and we usually only communicate by emails) called me to ask if his daughter could have a ride to school He lives near us, and I have given her carpools for cross country meets becaue he lost his car (and who knows what else) in his recent divorce. His sweet daughter is in 6th grade, and it was about 20 degrees and dark this morning at 7:15 when she needed a ride. I almost didn’t answer the phone when I saw it was him- I was rushing to work, having already dropped my kids off early, and had a bad morning harping on them about their chores and rooms. I was feeling badly about myself, as a mom and as a woman due to the lack of CG asking me out on a date. I had prayed about the lack of a date with CG, asked for some wisdom, and to do God’s will. I also point blank asked God to arrange a date… day before yesterday. Nothing happened.

Until this morning. I got to help someone get his daughter to school in the cold, to help him make life for his daugher as normal and stress free as possible (although I am not doing a great job of that with my own kids, I am glad I could help him). I got to remember what it was like to worry about how to get the kids to school. Six years ago, I was divorced, broke, unemployed, in a terrible relationship, and bankruptcy and foreclosures were in the works. I was in a mess and had a really hard time getting my kids to school myself. Today, I have had the same job for 5 years, my kids are making good choices and get to school every day, I bought a car in February, and I am in the process of buying a home for us in November.

I realized with that ride to school for her that I am blessed and don’t need more than I have right now. Yes, I want a companion, but God might have different plans for me this weekend.

(Also- maybe I am supposed to do something to help myself feel better, rather than look for a man’s interest in me to validate me. Just maybe!)

Tiny Acts of Kindness and Love are the Bomb

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“The little unremembered acts of kindness and love are the best parts of a person’s life.”
— William Wordsworth

I would love to get this on a pretty paper to frame and hang on my wall to remind me to be kind to others. It is so easy to get caught up in the rush and hurry of life and forget that a smile, a joke, a little thoughtful gift really truly does make a person’s entire day sometimes!

The Options and Choices of Allowance

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What would it be like if we allowed everyone in our life to care and love us the way that THEY want to?

What would it be like if we didn’t insist that there were certain “rules” and “obligations” that a friend needs to follow, or it just isn’t real?

I have some friends whom I only talk to every 6 or 9 months. I have one friend with a 2-text maximum. I am hanging out with a man who has never asked me to dinner. Do they really care about me?

I don’t hand make my children’s Halloween costumes or their lunches. Do I love them less than moms who do those things? No, of course not.

Do my friends who don’t reciprocate the dinner at my house deserve to be shunned?

Ahhh! There is that word- “deserve”. If we follow the relationship rules, do we deserve love and friendship? If we study hard in school, do we deserve an A? Do we deserve to be first string if we go to all of the practices?

Everyone has their own opinions on these, but I think the answer is No, of course not. We might earn something, but we don’t deserve it. Single parents don’t deserve to be poor and lonely. Gay people don’t deserve to get AIDS.

Life is just right out there. No deserving necessary. So step out of the self-sabotage and fill up your plate with love, caring, money, friendship, sex, new brown leather boots, a fat checking account, or whatever you have been denying yourself because you didn’t think you deserved it.

If I step up to the plate and ALLOW others to care about me in the ways they feel comfortable, then I am closer to getting rid of the expectations (and the Control Bitch goes underground too). And you know how awesome it is when we let go of expectations? Oh yeah- THEN IT IS ALL A GIFT! Woo Hoo. Party time with all the blessings we get when we step out of the rules, regulations, obligations, and expectations.

Raindrops, Copper Kettles, and Mittens Won’t Work

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I really liked the Sound of Music movie. I watched it 29 times as a 6th grader, memorized the songs, idolized Greta, and wanted to marry someone just like Mr. Von Trapp.

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens…
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens…
You know the song-
…These are a few of my favorite things. When I’m feeling sad, I only remember my favorite things, and then I don’t feel so bad!

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Ha! I was running the other day, grumpy, tired, on the verge of catching a cold, thinking that I should make a list of some of My Favorite Things, because I need a little more fire power than a pair of mittens Julie!

So here goes:
1. A pedicure with Sandy, my friend who is a single mom of 4 and a great laugher

2. A trip to the library where I can get a stack of free books, immediately, and nobody asks for my credit card

3. A bag of potato chips at work to eat loudly in my cubicle at 9 am

4. An appointment to get my hair done- just the appointment helps me feel better because soon my hair will look better

5. Plan a road trip with my kids somewhere that I have been meaning to take them (just plan it, don’t have to take it yet)

6. Eat chocolate chip cookies and milk in front of the TV for hours watching something mindless, alone or with my kids

7. Have a long phone conversation with Liz, my sometimes single mom (her husband works overseas a lot) who has known my kids since conception and has the same set of issues with her daughters. She will pray for me, and let’s me know I am not as crazy as I feel. She also puts into words what I cannot (i.e. the “Jackhammer Approach” our kids take to get something from us- “Can I mom? You said I could. Why can’t I? Can I please? Why not?” etc times 12. I also go for walks with Delia, and she never fails to say “Oh yes, that must be so hard…” and my bristles and prickles and thorns all subside and I can breath again.

8. I would say drink tequila, but actually, that throws me backwards, as I really don’t like to feel hungover. I am a wimp.

9. Have a conversation with my daughter about her service plan of stopping the world’s slave trade by writing a play about it and performing it at her school’s Talent Show (she is completely out of my league, and I have no idea where she gets her inspiration, but she inspires me to get off of my pity pot)

10. Write a blog entry about anything or nothing at all

11. Read my faith-based books on my bedside and actually get on my knees and asking God for some help. Ideally I would do this one first, THEN eat chocolate chip cookies for hours, get a pedicure with Sandy or talk to Liz, and FINALLY write a blog to you about it all so that you get the happily ever after ending.

I am lucky. Over the last year, I have realized that I have many more friends than I imagined possible. I can’t even name off all of you! Friends are the best medicine. Thanks so much for being there : )

I Am Only 5′ 3″, But I Am Not Small

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And I am not living small, and I don’t want you to live small.My friend D pointed something very courageous out to me the other day: When we spend time with people who minimize us, or treat us poorly, or kill our dreams of living big, we will work subconsciously to live down to their expectations of us if we love/respect them, or even spend time with them (or have been married ot them, ahem…).

Isn’t that crazy?

Think about it- we will actually let them determine what we can accomplish. If parents tell us we don’t need a house, shouldn’t buy one, and really cannot afford the risk, we will believe them. If the friend pokes our belly and asks about the weight we gained this summer, we will feel shamed. If the brother blows us off for Thanksgiving, we will wonder if we deserve to be around family for the holidays, or to celebrate the holidays with all the gusto available. When people are gossiping about you, behind your back or in front of you, as if you don’t count- how does that make you feel? Think about it. Where is someone treating you small?

We really need to block that relationship and what we let it send to us if it makes us feel small, otherwise we will never live up to our potential.

Live large.
That is what God wants, and that is what the world needs from us. Believe in you, your capabilities, and what you can accomplish, no matter what the circumstances are today. You are the only one of you, you are your only. This is it. Be the light.
“You’ve only got one tiny moment in time for life, to shine- shine. Burn away the darkness. I will be light”