Left Foot, Right Foot, Left Foot, Breathe

Standard

The title of this blog is from advice I found in Anne Lamotte’s book “Plan B and Further Thoughts on Faith”. She got the advice from a friend named Tom when she was sad and frustrated and over the top with gunk raining down on her. It is really all we can do: put footsteps and time between us and anything that is terribly disappointing.

I don’t know why we sometimes think we can no longer “handle it”, that this is “the last straw”. Because it isn’t. We do end up getting out of bed, limping into the bathroom, doing the teeth-hair-clothes bit and getting out the door. Eventually.

This morning I had to have a good wail. I was pissed. And sad. I ended up, at the very bottom of it, mad at God. You see, I had asked very specifically for God to take care of me, protect me, and told God I knew he had my back, that he takes care of my kids when I am not looking, took care that my house purchase went through ok, takes care of my finances, and so I told God over the last months/years/decade (that REALLY pissed me off at God, that I have been asking for a decade now?!) that I know he has the perfect divinely right partner in mind for me and is preparing me for him. And preparing the dude for me. Today, it doesn’t seem that way… I am feeling like I am actually out in the cold on this companion bit, and God could care less if I find or have this companion in my life. Wow. That feels harsh. It feels possible.

But God- what else am I supposed to think? How else could/should I interpret this mess?

I heard in Alanon (the 12-step group for families and friends of alcoholics, which means they have a bunch of slogans too) that “Figuring it out is not a slogan”. So I don’t get to know God’s plan, I have to step out again in blind faith; walk by faith and not by sight. Damn it.

Left foot, right foot, left foot yet again, breathe. I thought my plan was pretty good, but I guess he has a different one.

Advertisements

About anne

I am a single mother of 2 really great kids. I am a professional as well, and hope to tell you some funny, authentic, and encouraging stories on my blog to help encourage and empower other single or just crazily busy parents. But I need to warn you that this blog is where I work out (for myself) some crazy ideas from their bitter, salty, pretzeled-up shapes into hopefully some better-tasting pastries. Any busy parent can probably relate to them though... crazy times call for crazy friends sharing crazy stories so we can laugh rather than cry about the funny way things turn out!

2 responses »

  1. Well, here’s the thing…………. we get answers that are either yes, no, or wait. Seems to me, you are in wait mode. I’ve been stuck in the desert now for over 16 years. We were supposed to be here for 2 years. My biggest desire has been to leave this heat, dry, brown climate behind. And I’ve been waiting for 14 years. {tap tap tap}

    I keep reminding myself that Sarah waited 25 years for a baby *after* the promise God made to Abraham, and that she was 90 years old before she even got pregnant!. The Israelites were in the desert for 40 years. It’s been 2,000 years, and we are still waiting for the second coming.

    I don’t know that your answer is “no.” 🙂 A friend once told me, “While God is never late, He sure has missed some opportunities to be early.” 😆

    For me, I have to made a conscious decision to try to be patient, because the alternative stinks. {{{{hugs}}}}

    • Tap, tap, tap. I hear ya! Thanks Tiktok. I think when we are stuck in the desert, we need to create a little rainforest for ourselves, or at least visit the aquarium while we wait on God. I LOVE that quote-“While God is never late, he sure has missed some opportuniteis to be early”. Thanks for your hugs. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s