Wearing the Walrus Coat

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What have you done for me lately?” That was my sweet girl turned gargoyle’s response to me when I asked her to carry a very light bag through the airport the other day. “I don’t know, got you a plane ticket to Florida for spring break, clothed you, fed you, took care of you for 14 years?” I replied to my teenager who has recently found her sarcastic side. (I cannot imagine where she found it!)

My skin is not thick enough to raise teenagers. I need walrus skin. Where can I buy Walrus lotion? Does Mary Kay sell THAT?! Because I would pay more for that than anti-wrinkle cream these days. And I really hate my wrinkles… Elephant skin might work too, I don’t care about the baggy knees. I need to get through the day living and breathing with 2 teenagers for spring break.

We are on vacation this week, visiting their grandparents/my parents. These are the people who have loved her and driven her and given her many, many gifts. They buy us dinner at fancy restaurants and didn’t blink last night when she said her $19.95 jerk chicken penne had been too spicy and she didn’t want it. They even bought her key lime pie! So today when I said “Gramps and Grams have some raking and they have offered $5 an hour”, I was a little more than shocked and ready to strangle when her reply was “That is not as much as I was hoping for”. I felt my eyes widen to saucers, my heart immediately race and my shoulders tense up. The word “Backhand” came to mind, although I have never and will never physically harm either of my children (but we do fantasize for those short moments while our throat is too constricted to say anything but gurgle “I think you need to do that work for free, actually”)

And then there is the boy-man, who reminds me that I am slower and older than any other woman he has ever met in his life on the ski slope. He says really encouraging things like “Mom, why did you learn to snowboard? You are too slow at it. It is a waste of your time. And your coat looks stupid too”.

Maybe I could buy a thick walrus skin coat? Or just throw a walrus AT THEM…

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About anne

I am a single mother of 2 really great kids. I am a professional as well, and hope to tell you some funny, authentic, and encouraging stories on my blog to help encourage and empower other single or just crazily busy parents. But I need to warn you that this blog is where I work out (for myself) some crazy ideas from their bitter, salty, pretzeled-up shapes into hopefully some better-tasting pastries. Any busy parent can probably relate to them though... crazy times call for crazy friends sharing crazy stories so we can laugh rather than cry about the funny way things turn out!

8 responses »

  1. Love your problems!

    In the sense of, “Wow, they’re just like mine!”

    Since all is lost anyway, we should simply do a time-share arrangement. I send mine off to you and you are even more depressed for a while…but I am carefree and happy. Then we swap and the situation reverses.

    This way, at least HALF the time there is time to be happy!

  2. Yes, that sounds fabulous, SD. I will put mine on a plane to you tonight : ). They are excited, I told them you would take them out to dinner every night, buy the all the new clothes they desire, let them stay up all night watching inappropriate TV shows, and you didn’t care if they talk back.

    I am going to sleep in until the last minute before I have to go to work, and eat popcorn for dinner every night.

  3. How old are your girlies, TT? I am finding it harder for them to get chores done, the older mine get 😦 What is up with THAT?!

    • 13, 10, and 7………. the boy is 15. I am working on putting up with the eye rolling and attitude. I’m actually finding that they do a better job at them, though, if I can get them to do it. I have to nag a lot. Overall, I think the biggest issue is getting them to go to bed! Heh. 😆

      • I am building up super-human muscles trying to put up with the eye rolling and attitude!

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