“What have you done for me lately?” That was my sweet girl turned gargoyle’s response to me when I asked her to carry a very light bag through the airport the other day. “I don’t know, got you a plane ticket to Florida for spring break, clothed you, fed you, took care of you for 14 years?” I replied to my teenager who has recently found her sarcastic side. (I cannot imagine where she found it!)
My skin is not thick enough to raise teenagers. I need walrus skin. Where can I buy Walrus lotion? Does Mary Kay sell THAT?! Because I would pay more for that than anti-wrinkle cream these days. And I really hate my wrinkles… Elephant skin might work too, I don’t care about the baggy knees. I need to get through the day living and breathing with 2 teenagers for spring break.
We are on vacation this week, visiting their grandparents/my parents. These are the people who have loved her and driven her and given her many, many gifts. They buy us dinner at fancy restaurants and didn’t blink last night when she said her $19.95 jerk chicken penne had been too spicy and she didn’t want it. They even bought her key lime pie! So today when I said “Gramps and Grams have some raking and they have offered $5 an hour”, I was a little more than shocked and ready to strangle when her reply was “That is not as much as I was hoping for”. I felt my eyes widen to saucers, my heart immediately race and my shoulders tense up. The word “Backhand” came to mind, although I have never and will never physically harm either of my children (but we do fantasize for those short moments while our throat is too constricted to say anything but gurgle “I think you need to do that work for free, actually”)
And then there is the boy-man, who reminds me that I am slower and older than any other woman he has ever met in his life on the ski slope. He says really encouraging things like “Mom, why did you learn to snowboard? You are too slow at it. It is a waste of your time. And your coat looks stupid too”.
Maybe I could buy a thick walrus skin coat? Or just throw a walrus AT THEM…