My stomach would coil up in knots and bile literally gang up in my throat when I saw the phone number on the caller ID. My ex raised my hackles when he called. I couldn’t trust myself to stay an adult, no matter who was around me. So, luckily for us, technology saved the day. Voices can dredge up so much energy- guilt, shame, fear, anger, resentment- it all comes shooting up like a geyser to my brain when I hear his voice.
Here is a quick tip for the week.
Use texts with your ex if you need to communicate logistics and also:
1. Need space from them,
2. Hate them, or
3. Need to predictably behave like an adult, not a 7 year old
We can text moms, brothers, neighbors, and ex-friends in this situation too, but be careful of texting people you want a relationship with.
For ex -spouses, it is a God-send. We can get the logistics of the drop off/pick up and go on about our day without the time traveling to ancient arguments and sneering accusations. I could drop back 4 years and rip off that old scab of an argument while simultaneously becoming a 7-year old if I heard his voice ask where I will be dropping off the extra change of clothes. But when I switched to texting only, I kept to my chronological age. it is difficult to sneer, or hear a sneer on text.